what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
