were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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