I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
