When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
