I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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