Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
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