It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
