I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
