i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
