His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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