How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Randomize
