So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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