Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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