She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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