I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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