this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize