So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
