Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
