Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Randomize
