I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Randomize
