The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Randomize
