His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
