I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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