I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Randomize