Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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