it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
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