i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
