Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
