I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
