would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
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