He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Randomize
