so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Randomize
