literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize