Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
