Apparently you make a good broom.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
