he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
She told me I should be a condom model.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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