is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
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