I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
