We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I'm experimenting with sincerity
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize