alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Randomize
