Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
