If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Randomize