We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
