1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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