we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
