Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
