There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Randomize