you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Randomize
