How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
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