you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
