Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
