turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
