He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize