look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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