Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
