We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize