Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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