Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
