if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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