The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
This couple is walking their pig around campus
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
