Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
