but the lizard people decide everything anyway
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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