I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
