i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
