im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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