There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
